I’ve been known- on occasions- to surprise the heck out of people with decisions I’ve made. Whether it was the time I came home the day before prom with my waist-length hair chopped into a tiny pixie cut, or the mid-April afternoon in 2006 when I went for groceries and came home with a new convertible, there are times that something strikes me as the best idea for the moment. I’m fortunate enough that- most of the time, at least (knock on wood)- these decisions work out.
It was about a month ago that B and I started talking about selling the little house on Bellaire. This month marks a year of hosting guests in our sweet little house, and after giving our tiny shotgun a new lease on life, then using her as a great investment for the last 12 months, we feel like we’re square. It’s time to let go, it’s time to give someone else a chance to love her like I do. And, soon, I’m sure, it will be time to look for the next project.
Last week, I announced to my work family that I would be listing my little house… that if anyone wanted to view before she went on the market, I’d allow it. After several pre-views, we received an offer Friday night, and after mulling things over over burgers and Bourbon, we agreed to sell.
I found it ironic, as I sat signing contracts Saturday morning, that 20 months ago, when we left a late, late dinner at Feast to rush to my office and send an acceptance to the sellers, I signed and dated the contract, realizing quickly that the clock hands had reached past midnight… I signed my name, “Joyce Duncan, March 25, 2017″. Daddy’s birthday. It felt as if there were some sort of cosmic juju that meant for me to undertake this project with him, even though he was no longer here… Saturday morning, as I sat at my computer drawing up an acceptance to our Buyers, I spotted my signature again, “Joyce Duncan, November 10, 2018.” This time, we make a leap on Bryan’s birthday.
I have to wonder- as daydreamy as I can sometimes be- if that means something. Perhaps I needed just one more push from Daddy to prove that I’d be okay without him. Perhaps the irony of taking on a renovation project on his birthday was his way of saying he was with me through all of this. Perhaps- and this is where I read too much into things, I’m sure- perhaps letting go of that same project on Bryan’s birthday is Daddy’s way of giving me away. He won’t be here to walk me down an aisle, but to he and I, taking on a renovation together meant more than sharing a singular moment at a too-expensive wedding. Perhaps this was his way of showing me it’s time to move forward.
Of course, now, as I sit here, I’m sobbing. I miss him so much.
Still, upstairs Saturday morning as I sat signing contracts, was a cuddly, snoring bear of a man, about to wake up on his 40th birthday. While I know that my family’s influence will always be here in some way or the other, two years after being orphaned, perhaps it’s time I start focusing on my own… Bryan, our little life together, and our way forward, possibly toward the next big thing.
** photo by Dragonfly Visual **