Just over a decade ago, when my dad passed, I remember trying to get my mom to settle into my house. She was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and the loss of her partner of 40 years coupled with the amount of change that came from selling her home and moving in with me was excruciating. I remember I kept telling her that she had to focus on her life being her “new normal.”
A new normal is exactly what I’m now focusing on as well. The 42nd year of my life was a whirlwind in so many ways, and last week, as I spent some time in my favorite city, breathing in the air on Lake Michigan, I reflected on the shifts I’ve had as well as those I’m still experiencing. A birthday always seems to make me reflective, and- much in the same way that I’ve had a word of the year in the past for New Year’s- this year, my birthday has made me refocus on what it is I want in life. I remember around the holidays and New Year’s Eve, I started thinking of how to focus for the year ahead, and the word that I kept thinking of was Clarity.
Last year, I was struggling so hard in so many ways. In a few areas, I felt like I was asking for help and didn’t receive it, though, maybe, I didn’t ask the right way. In others, I felt as if I was just wasting time, and could be doing so much more with my energy. As I continued to focus on clarity- my direction, my energy, my happiness- I knew that a few things had to change.
My divorce was finalized a few months ago, and this morning, a Monday, I woke up for the first time in almost 10 years without a “day job,” having stepped down from a leadership position at my firm.
Divorce is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. Logistically, it’s a nightmare, and- in our case, at least- one of us was hurting the other and making a decision they didn’t want us to make. It’s not something I’d ever wish on anyone, and something I hope to never go through again. I do, however, hope he’s okay.
As far as the job… I love my company, and it’s been my home for almost 20 years. However, I’ve been craving the time and freedom to focus solely on my clients, and being in a salaried position as well as being in sales made that difficult for me. With my sales volume and book of business growing all the time, it was the right choice to focus just on them. I love our staff. Some of my best friends in this life are the colleagues I was with every day, and truly, that won’t change. But- my day-to-day will. This morning, I woke up almost giddy to take a 6am walk and not have to worry about clocking in by a certain hour. The freedom that comes with that sort of schedule is mind-blowing.
So- for being absent, for posting nothing but new houses every couple of weeks, and for staying so quiet over the last 9 months or so, I’m so sorry. I’ve been here, friends, but I’ve been figuring life out.
My car is approaching 200,000 miles and is rather on its last leg. I joked with a girlfriend that I “quit my job,” got divorced, and am probably buying a new car. I asked if I was going through a mid-life crisis. Her response? Maybe. But that “mid-life crisis” that everyone jokes about is a transition period- involving reflection, growth, and a reassessment of priorities.
Sounds like clarity to me.
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